February? Or April?

It's beautiful, high 60's, gorgeous flawless sky, slight breeze. I'm wearing cropped jeans, a tiny short sleeve tee, and Chaco sandals. When it turns cold again, as it inevitably will, it's gonna be an unpleasant shock.

Hot 90 this morning. I debated going, because after the PTA board meeting last night, R, G & me went to Steinbecks, where B met us, and I had two Harpoon draft ales and a bunch of crab and artichoke dip. I felt pretty gross this morning, but not hungover, so I went ahead to class...I'm glad I did. I had a good sweat going & felt much detoxified afterward. I also pushed into a great backbend AND got myself vertical in a headstand, though only for a nanosecond...woot! It's much easier for me to get my legs halfway now. When I really engage my bandhas, my legs feel very light. I just need to work on my alignment and balance, because I feel like my spine is too curved...and also I can't lift my legs while straight; I have to bend them and lift them. I suppose once I've gotten comfortable with that, I'm going to have to start all over and learn it the real way.

Will field trip tomorrow and zoo trip w/friends tomorrow afternoon. Decatur 101 class on Thursday monring, then silent auction/spring party meeting Thursday night. Primary level 1 on Friday morning, then girl's night on Friday night, then Decatur 101 walking tour on Saturday morning, plus Michael's rock climbing class, then soccer parents meeting, then mom & dad visit on Sunday and Monday. There's a LOT going on. Other than Friday's class, I hope I can squeeze in a primary series at home at least once.

Yogic strife.

There's apparently some wierd stuff going down at DHY...lately when I've been there I've caught a vibe where people are grumbling or whispering together, and I picked up, somehow, that it was about the owner, who I've heard is a super tightly wound type A....I talked to my friend R on the playground today, and she's good friends with C, who teaches pilates and also used to work the desk, and apparently the owner has told all her desk help that she is no longer paying them salaries, but paying them in yoga. Two of them don't even do yoga. ONe of them was there working when I signed Michael in for yogaKids this afternoon, so I don't know what the deal is. Also I overheard the yogaKids teacher saying that the owner will not add another class no matter how much she begs, even though her class is filled to capacity, and she was looking to take her yogaKids classes elsewhere. That would be a bummer.

I got up this morning at 5:30 to do a thirty minute "short forms" practice while Lee went for a run. MAN, was I ever stiff and creaky. I didn't feel much more flexible by the time I got to the end, and I actually got fatigued pretty quickly too. I went and saw Dr. Kerry this morning and the popping that she got out of my neck was incredible. It feels quite a bit better.

PTA board meeting tonight. I was feeling pretty aggravated earlier while I was getting ready for the meeting, but I'm focusing on letting go. Namaste. Seeing the light in everyone, no matter how passive aggressive, overly emotionally invested, or irritating they are to me. R & G want me to go out for a drink with them afterward, so I'm chugging water in order to have a glass of wine and not wake up with a hangover.

Hot 90 at 8:30 in the morning, then no practice again until Thursday morning, another short practice at home.

If an ashtangi falls over in her living room and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

So Lee and Michael went to NC today for Lee's Uncle Jack's 90th birthday party and Will and I stayed here. Will is complaining of a sore throat, but even if he wasn't, five hours in a car is definitely not a good thing for him.

I put "Hoodwinked" on for him upstairs, got my David Swenson book, put on some yoga music, and started primary. My neck, lower back and upper back are very whacked out...I am definitely going to the chiropractor tomorrow...and I was determined to go as slow as I wanted. 5 A's, 3 B's, then through to Utkatasana, where I felt like I lost the flow I had going. I am never sure about the transition right there. In fact, I am probably not doing any of the transitions right, which makes me worry a little bit about having to practice at home so much - I am worried about getting into bad habits. I should probably practice with my DVD a few times. Anyhow...I managed to get back into more of a flow with the seated postures. And I also, for the first time, managed to jump my legs back from a crossed position in the vinyasas. Woot! I also bound my index fingers on both sides in Mari D, though I felt pretty hunched over.

After navasana, I had to refer more to my book because those are the trickier, more unfamiliar postures. I crossed my ankles for the first time in bhujapidasana! Last week in class I managed to touch my toes together off the ground briefly before it was time to move on, but today I just stayed in the posture and scooched my toes toward each other on the floor until I could cross my feet, then I just crossed them more tightly together, then balanced for a few breaths until I fell over on my butt.

I kept going, though I had to refer to my book between postures, to setu bandasana, where I blanked and couldn't remember the modification John showed us last week. Then I did a modified backbend, a full backbend, then all the way through to sirsasana, where I attempted headstand twice before moving on to baddha padmasana, where I bound briefly (though I can't fold forward while bound), then I did the last two postures, then savasana, by which time my yoga mix cd had finished and my new Snatam Kaur cd had started, which made for a nice relaxing end.

My chatarangas have come a long, long way. When I first started, by the time I got to vinyasas, I would jump (or more likely step) back, then just lower all the way to the floor. Today I got through the whole practice (though I skipped vinyasas between sides) and was able to jump back, lower and hover just above the floor, then move myself forward toward updog slightly before having to lower my belly all the way to the floor.

The rain has stopped, and it's beautiful, sunny and warm outside. I'm going feed Will lunch, then we are putting on our mud shoes and go outside for a while.

Vamos a un restaurante Mexicano!

I went with the second graders today to Los Bravos for lunch, where they ordered and conversed with the wait staff entirely in Spanish....then got up and sang "vamos a un restaurante Mexicano" to all the patrons and staff. It was one of the funniest and cutest things I've ever seen. Several of us moms sat together with Michael's teacher, who is just a lovely, lovely person and a lot of fun. The whole field trip was fun.

Friday night...I'm sitting here with a glass of red wine listening to Michael, Will and Jake from next door have a battle out back with two wooden muskets, plastic light sabers, various balls, and a couple of foam rockets. They have chicken nuggets in the oven; Lee and I are going to have buffalo burgers on the grill, plus roasted beets and watercress with feta cheese and a balsamic dressing, and roasted asparagus.

No practice today due to field trip; I did a hot 90 yesterday morning. I have been feeling a bit more stiff in my neck and upper back recently; don't know if that's because I have not been doing bikram as much, or because of my trying to learn sirsasana (which I worked on some more after the hot 90; I can get my legs to about half way and stay there for a little while, but no further without chickening out).

Tomorrow afternoon Michael and I are going to a parent and child yoga workshop; we went to one last month and it was loads of fun. Sunday Lee and Michael are going to Highlands, NC to Lee's Uncle Jack's 90th birthday. I hope to do at least the 45 minute short forms practice while I hypnotize Will with a movie or something. I am going to primary series level one next Friday...I guess I'll get in a couple hot 90's next week. I just hope I can keep my motivation going when I can only go to maybe one primary series class a week.

Ashtanga-inspired yoga-lite.

So I was all excited about the ashtanga class on the schedule at DHY and I went last night. The instructor asked me about my experience - all the other attendees had apparently taken this lady's "intro to ashtanga" workshop for five weeks earlier this year - and I told her I was learning ashtanga from John at only yoga. "Well, I'm very different from him", she told me. I'm okay with different, but this class was slloooowwww. First off, she had us prop on blocks and stretch. That took up about the first six or seven minutes of class. Then we did the opening chant. Then about twenty minutes of very slow surya namaskar a's (during which two more people came in) with lots of detailed instructions. Then two or three surya namaskar b's, which moved so slowly that I kind of spaced out and lost my place. She would say "do the next at your own pace" and even going more slowly than usual, I still finished ahead of everyone else. (My chatarangas have improved!).

We did padangustasana and padahastasana, then triangle, warrior I, and the pose whose name escapes me, John teaches it for newer yogis with the forearm on the thigh, and then the other arm stretches overhead. We did it the traditional way with blocks; well, everyone else used blocks. Then I think we did another surya namaskar or two, then bridge, then savasana. We couldn't run late because there was a Pilated class waiting to come in.

So, nontraditional and I think too beginnerish for me. Which is too bad - I was very excited to be able to do ashtanga at my "home" studio.

This morning I am planning to help out in Michael's classroom (I have to go get in the shower in a minute or I'll be late!) so I did David Swenson's 30 minute short form series. I got out my book, put on some music, and went through it in about 35 minutes. I did everything, plus a couple of attempts at sirsasana. I actually felt like I had a good, kind of flowy practice! My knees and hips protested quite loudly when I came out of Mari C - and I actually could not bind on the left this morning, due to pain in my hip joint - but other than that, I felt good and I stayed with my breath more often than not.

And Will slept through the night last night. Three cheers!!

"In the spring, a young woman's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of shoes."

I hope ol' Alfred, Lord Tennyson, doesn't mind my paraphrasing here.

I have been on a mini shoe-buying frenzy. I have bought four pairs of shoes from Zappos this weekend - a pair of Converse low-tops, some Kenneth Cole Reaction beaded pewter thong sandals, and two pairs of Keds print skimmers - one in a frog print and one in a parrot print that's a Mary Jane. I probably won't keep both pairs of Keds, though. Gotta love the zappos free shipping and returns!

Practice yesterday was great! Four of us from the Foundations workshop were there plus just two other women - so everyone got lots of adjustments. As I thought, it was not the entire primary. We did everything to uttita hasta - in prasarita padott... C, John came over and pushed my clasped hands down toward the floor until I thought I was going to have to shout "uncle"! For uttita hasta, we only did a modified D, with hands under the thighs, but for ten looonnngg breaths.

Then we did everything else to trianga mukha (which we skipped), with vinyasas between postures, not sides, then the janus, then Mari a, b and c. Then five navasanas, which lasted a couple of days, then bhujapidasana, in which I can begin to cross my feet before falling on my butt.

Then we skipped way ahead to bridge pose, then two backbends if we wanted (or two more bridges). I did the first bridge, then a backbend, and then wanted to do a second backbend, but I had moved my yogitoes off to the side and my hands were slipping, so I came back down and did another bridge. I still can't work out the mat/yogitoes thing. I hate to stop and move the thing off and on my mat. Until I work up a good sweat, the yogitoes isn't grippy enough....but just a little bit of sweat and my hands begin to slip on my mat.

Anyway....paschimottanasana...John came and leaned on me and my face was waaaay flat on my shins. Then shoulderstand, plow, karnapidasana. Then urdva padmasana, which I had never done before. I've either skipped it when doing my DVD, or modified, or something. Anyway, very wierd feeling to be balancing on my shoulders, but I did it. Then pindasana in sarvangasana, in which I could only touch my fingers together with John's help before rolling down. Then matsyasana, uttana padasana, then sirsasana. I told John when I got there that I had been practicing at home, but that I was still scared of falling so could not keep my legs up. So as soon as we got to sirsasana, John was by my mat waiting for me. I got my legs up briefly and he held them there but I had to come down quickly. I tried again several times... I can get my legs up halfway (bent, not piked) and can hold them there longer each time I try...so I know it is coming....slowly. I practiced a few more times when I got home, and I told Michael that I couldn't hold my legs up because I was scared of falling. He said "mommy, why don't you think about NOT falling?" DUH!! What a great idea from an eight year old. I probably amd going to fall if I think I am.

After that....child's pose, then savasana. I felt GREAT. Though I have something going on with my left hip....any tight twisting pose, and I feel pain in the very inner part, like deep inside the hip crease. This has been going on since I started Bikram...in final spinal, I really feel it. In primary, I feel it in the Maris when I have to twist to the left. The top of my left thigh is also sore to the touch...I'm not sure what that's from....my lotus foot? Then why is my right thigh not sore also? My left thigh seems to be perpetually sore, though not visibly bruised. I'm not sure what's going on.

My chatarangas are slowly improving....my (noisy) jumpbacks and jump ups are too, though jump throughs are ages and ages away...and I absolutely love how, in the later vinyasas, my down dogs feel extremely deep and stretchy.

For dinner last night we had a big crock pot of chicken and black bean chili, which rocked....I ate three bowls. So much for leftovers.

Today is another holiday from school....the boys are awake and listening to some Talking Heads song at full volume and playing the drums....it's the song that goes "Baby baby, please let me hold you, I wanna make you stay up all night! "

Hottest class ever.

Went to a hot 90 this morning at ten. There was a hot 90 at 8:00, so the room was a bit hotter and steamier than usual. And it got only hotter and steamier as it went on....there were also about 25 people in the room, which holds 35.

By the time we got to ardha chandrasanana - the first pose after pranayama - I was pouring sweat (I finally got my new Prana tank, which rocks - those tops are totally made for us flat-chested ladies). By standing bow pulling, all I could think about was how I really needed to leave the room so I could take a deep breath! I could not concentrate at all...I could only think of how I was dying for fresh air and oxygen! Rebecca noticed that many of us were struggling and sitting down - some woman next to me was wearing sweatpants, for god's sake - the fleece kind with elastic at the bottom - and an oversize man's t-shirt. How she was not falling out, I don't know. Anyway, Rebecca opened the door a few times to let in fresh air, and at the savasana between standing and floor poses, she turned on the fan. When we got to kapalabhati breathing, she said the temperature in the room had dropped to 101, but that the humidity was at 95%. Rebecca said it was the hottest and most humid class she'd ever taught at the studio.

I pushed up into a pretty decent backbend as soon as class was over, and held it for five breaths. My yogitoes was actually too wet for my hands to feel secure. I also tried my handstand again, and managed to get my legs - still kind of in the fetal position - lifted higher. My knees are still bent, but I managed to get my knees to a ninety degree position with my hips. I could have raised my legs, but I chickened out. Again.

When I left the class I was absolutely soaked and I had a headache. I didn't drink as much water as usual during the class because the heat made me feel slightly nauseous, and drinking cold water would make me feel worse.

Tomorrow I am going to John's intermediate primary, which is not the full series. My first official, ie, non-workshop, ashtanga class.

Umm, why am I here?

What did I want to post? I can't remember. My brain is fried due to lack of sleep. That would be because of Will. Of course. Crying out for me at ten til five to come rub his back. Dude, how many times have I told you, if you wake me from a dead sleep I will come lay down with you but I will NOT rub your back.

The night before he came and got in our bed, which woke me up, then after I had gotten back to sleep finally, he woke up again complaining of a tummyache, so I had to stay up and wipe his butt after he pooped (a rather large amount, so he had to have felt better after). Then I got back in bed with him and had a hard time falling asleep. So I'm going on two days' sleep deficit here. I really need at least seven uninterrupted hours of sleep and I'm not getting it most nights.

Anyway....started my period yesterday....felt gross and crampy yesterday. No practice. Or did I? Damn if I can remember. No, I didn't practice - I was at Michael's school yesterday morning at dropoff to check for more carnation orders, then I came home and made a flourless chocolate torte, then I went to Will's school for his Valentine's party (a heart-shaped pinata and valentine's exchange), then back to Michael's school to distribute the carnation orders, then to coffee w/Gloria, then back to Michael's school to help with his class party, then to Will's school to pick him up, then BACK AGAIN to Michael's school to pick him up.

Last night I made chicken scallopine w/pesto sauce, whole wheat egg noodles, roasted asparagus, and the aforementioned flourless chocolate torte w/homemade whipped cream. We had a bottle of McManis chardonnay with it. I must say, that's one of my favorite chardonnays. Really good and very cheap too.

So this morning I felt like hell, not hungover, but very tired and foggy headed. I took Will to school, then came home and seriously thought about laying down and taking a nap. Instead, I got out my mat, put in my yoga cds (music I downloaded), got out my David Swenson book, and started with Surya Namaskars. I was going to stop there if I still felt like crap. I went pretty slowly, but I kept going once I was done with them. Slowly I am making progress w/my arm strength! I can now lower myself to just above the floor and hover there. I cannot go into updog from there yet, though. I have to drop my legs down briefly to start the upward motion, then I lift them back up.

Anyway....this was the first time doing it without the DVD. I could hear David Swenson in my head giving me instructions. In Mari D today, I was able to touch my fingers together, all by myself! I had to twist and grab hold of my thigh, then twist some more using my thigh to brace against, but then I could link my index fingers together before I had to let go and stop myself from falling over. I'm sure that I screwed up most of the transitions between postures once I got past utkatasana and virabhadrasana. I did most of the vinyasas even between sides...did all the navasanas...then did plow (which gave me a fabulous stretch of my sore and achy upper back), pushed up into a kind of feeble backbend, attempted headstand a few times, then took a savasana.

I'm so glad I practiced. I took it really slowly and held some of the postures for more than five breaths because it just felt good to hang out there. But I guess that is the benefit of practicing all by yourself at home.

I was looking at the DHY schedule today and Debbie has an ashtanga class on the schedule! It's only once a week, Tuesdays at 6:00. I probably won't be able to make it every week. But I'm very excited about it! IT's taught by Leslie who taught the Intro to Ashtanga series they had, also Tuesday night, which I couldn't commit to because of the time it was held.

No school tomorrow or Monday. I'm not sure what we're going to do tomorrow...it's been so cold here. Maybe the zoo if it warms up a bit. Will's YogaKids got cancelled today because of teacher training, but there is a makeup tomorrow afternoon.

Almost too tired to type.

Last session of the ashtanga foundations workshop was this afternoon. I thought we might do full primary but we didn't....spent the first twenty or so minutes discussing any questions, etc....there was one woman there who was a regular practitioner but came to take today's class and she talked a little about how you think you can't do something, then one day you can, and then another day you learn something else, and so on, and then all of the sudden you're doing the whole thing.

I hadn't practiced since I did the full primary with David Swenson on Friday morning, when I hurt my upper back. Which felt much, much better this morning. Though Saturday I woke up and every muscle in my neck was incredibly sore....from what, I'm not sure....chakrasana, I bet. Anyway, once we started Surya Namaskars, I felt like I had increased strength, and, I don't know, more 'flow'. I felt like even though I don't have enough strenght for a perfect chataranga, that I was more fluid. And my arms definitely felt stronger. Before I left for the workshop this afternoon, I practiced my chakrasana upstairs on the carpet. I think that's definitely part of my fear - the hard wood floor. That is taking some getting used to. Bikram classes are carpeted and my bony hips, shoudlers, and everything else are having a hard time with the hard floor under my mat. ANYWAY. I did chakrasana fine, but afterward the back of my neck did hurt and feel stiff. I also practiced headstand....I can get my feet off the ground, I kind of pull them in like a fetal position and I can stay there for a little while. Plain and simple, I am afraid that when I get my legs up in the air - and I nearly did it several times - I am going to fall. As soon as I got them up, I came right back down.

ANYWAY, back at the class. Less people were there than in previous weeks so we each got a lot of adjustments. We did all the standing postures except for one of the paschimottananasa....C, I think....then to floor....we did most of them except Mari B & D....we did only three navasanas which nearly killed me anyway...skipped some of the end of the series & closing....we did a modified backbend (hands on ankles) but held it FOR.EV.ER and boy, were my thighs and glutes screaming!! We did headstands in class....I got my feet off the floor and pulled them in....inched them up, then down, then up again. John came over and I raised my legs....he had only very light pressure against one of my ankles but the whole time I was thinking "he's gonna let go...he's gonna let go" and when he counted the last breath I pretty much slammed my right leg down and he went "SLOWLY!" So I brought the other one down more slowly. ;-)

We had a nice long savasana...I think the thing that makes these savasanas so nice as opposed to Bikram is that we stay there until he calls us. At Bikram they say "stay at least a few minutes, but longer if you can" and after about a minute I start getting antsy to go. Plus, John was playing some groovy, mellow world music that was really nice to listen to.

Boy, is my neck ever sore. I am probably going to feel crippled in the morning. I think I am going to go to the chiropractor tomorrow.

I also have to herd Will through making valentines for his class & teachers. He's only done about six...I got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, oh yeah, that I'm going to be making valentines on Tuesday night after Will is in bed.

You had a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.

I did primary at home this morning and in chakrasana I again wussied out, rolled off to my left and immediately felt a wrenching pain between my left shoulder blade and spine. I got up, paused David, walked around trying to stretch it out. After a few minutes I went back to it, did chakrasana again (this time rolling to the right, HA) and it didn't feel worse....so I continued on, did my backbends fine and finished. OH, and I actually got both feet off the ground for sirsasana! I only managed to pull both knees in, but both feet were off the ground and I actually balanced for a few seconds! But I did it several times! Yippee!

Anyway...post chakrasana....it continues to hurt and when I take a very deep breath or try to turn my head very far to the left, I feel it. Of course, Dr. K is out of town or I would have gone today for an adjustment. Hopefully, when I wake up in the morning it feels better...until then I am relying heavily on my good friend Extra Strength Tylenol. My last Ashtanga Foundations class is Sunday...I really don't want to feel crippled!

In other bad news, Lee found out today that the job that he really, really, really wanted and felt pretty confident he was going to be offered, was offered to someone else. He is quite bummed.

And the Prana top that I won on eBay...the seller sent me the wrong one.

Man, my chatarungas suck.

Because I did a hot class last night, and because I needed to take a shower first thing, I just did surya namaskars today - 10 A's and 6 B's.

I cannot lower myself to just above the floor. I don't have the arm strength yet to do that, so I have to lower something all the way to the floor. What I have been doing is lowering just my chest while keeping my legs off the floor, but then in order to do updog correctly, I have to kind of shimmy forward which isn't right either.

By the time I got to my last surya namaskar B, I was pretty much collapsing onto the floor with noodle arms. I am stronger than I was when I first started, but I have a long long long way to go.

I did manage to push up into a backbend and hold for six breaths.

I was susie homemaker today.....I made a pot of vegetable broth with some broccoli and celery that had been languishing in the fridge for a while, and I threw in half a package of dried shiitake mushrooms that had been in the pantry for god knows how long, plus some fresh parsley and carrots. I also made a batch of bread crumbs from the bread ends I had been saving and storing in a baggie in the freezer, and I also made a batch of caramelized onions in the crockpot (which I had to move to the back deck with an extension cord because I didn't want everything in the house to be saturated with the smell of caramelized onion, as delicious as they smelled).

I also did our taxes....I keep thinking there must be something wrong, that I entered or did something wrong, because we are getting a bigger refund than ever before. We do pay a boatload in property taxes and mortgage interest, but Lee must have also over-withheld. I've been through it again, and everything looks right. I'm scared to file lest a mistake turn up.

For dinner we went to Mellow Mushroom and I had a greek salad, a glass of wine, a (horrors) slice of feta cheese and sun dried tomato pizza and then (double horrrors) several bites of moose track ice cream. I was fishing around in the carton for the ribbons of caramel, which are by far the best parts.

Primary at home in the morning.

Left knee

It has been acting up again the last day or two, feeling achy and stiff and making lots of popping noises and I am pretty convinced that the glucosamine makes a real difference. This is like the third time now when I've slacked off the glucosamine for a few days and my knee starts to hurt. When I start taking it again it quits hurting. It's possible that I could take it every other day and still feel the benefits. I read something in the paper last week about glucosamine raising the cholesterol level (anecdotal, but still) and since I am a lower-carb eater and I do eat meat, and I have not had my cholesterol checked in years, I am wondering if I should take the minimum glucosamine. What I really need to do is go get my cholesterol checked, I know.

Went to a hot 90 tonight - Kim, who is brand new, like tonight was her second class brand new, was going, and asked me and Beth to come along, so we did. I think I was the most advanced practitioner in the class, and I was in front and center, which was unintentional, but the two corner spots in the front were taken. I like to be close to the mirror, but I like to be way off to the side.

I bound it matsyendrasana and James called me out for it. Ooops. Binding is not part of the pose in the Bikram series, but I do it anyway because I really like to crank my spine and shoulders around. I can really only do it on the right, anyway; I can bind on my left too but not enough to really pull on my arm and get more of a twist.

I didn't do any yoga yesterday, didn't focus on my breathing, didn't balance on the four points of my feet and lengthen my spine at any time during my day. Nothing. It felt really good to be back on my mat tonight and my body was ready to stretch and work. I held toe stand on the right for the longest time ever, at least thirty seconds; James was helping someone so he didn't call change as quickly as usual.

I want to at least get in a few sets of sun salutations before Sunday. I am nervous about making it through the full primary series.

It just needed to be said.

I'm having a really good hair day today. It's a shame that I have to sleep on it. Maybe I'll do like my grandma and put on a hairnet and sleep sitting up. ;-)

NOT. I'm not THAT vain.

Did someone beat me when I wasn't paying attention?

That's what it feels like, anyway.

I wanted to get up and walk this morning - I miss my walks - so I set my alarm clock for 10 til 6. Will called out to me at about 3:40, so I got in bed with him, but I never really fell fully asleep because I knew my alarm was going to go off and I wanted to get back in our bed before it did. So I dozed for a few hours, then got up and got back in my bed at 5:45. I had a whole five minutes before the alarm was going to go off.

I went on my walk, got the boys fed/dressed/out the door, then came home. I was going to do some sun salutations and leave it at that, since I felt tired from yesterday and from my poor night's sleep, but once I got started on the series with the DVD, I just kept going. Also, the thought of attending a full series class is in the back of my mind and I am afraid I am going to humiliate myself the first time I go, so I wanted to do the whole thing and see how bad it would really be.

I was pretty tired by the time I got through the marichyasanas...I started skipping the vinyasas between sides and even between postures my vinyasas were pretty lame. I didn't even try to lower myself the right way, I just flopped to the floor, pushed up into down dog then walked my feet forward.

At garbha pindasana I actually rocked all the way around (I'm sure it wasn't pretty), but I noticed that my tailbone was super sore - probably from yesterday's practice. The konasanas (I think) where you balance on your tailbone....I just have to let go of my feet to balance, then grab my feet again. And my tailbone was hurting like a mother.

Yesterday when I did chakrasana I came out of it tilted to the left and the same thing happened today; my shoulders are really bony and when I did chakrasana today, I again went to the left, smacking that bone which was sore from yesterday. I know that is happening because I am scared. I'm chickening out at the moment when I should be pushing up. What am I afraid of?

Backbends...I mustered all the strength left in my noodle arms and did two...had to do a modified one for the third. Headstand....I have no confidence in the placement of my arms and head, so I could not even get both feet off the floor at the same time.

So anyway, I did the whole thing...maybe if I go to one of the all-level classes I won't stick out like a sore thumb. Speaking of an all-level class, there is a serious dearth of ashtanga classes in this city. Why is that?? We hosted the Olympics for god's sake, you'd think there's be more than two ashtanga studios in the city, one of which has NO led classes during the day and the other of which only has two daytime led classes during the week.

So all day I have felt progressively stiff, sore and achy in my bony spots. I also have two very sore spots which are beginning to bruise at the very tops of my inner thighs....I guess from pulling my heels in lotus and the marichys so hard yesterday. And all I want to do is stretch out each arm, brace my hand against a post in the entry way and push against them so that my biceps and inner shoulders strrrreeettttccccchhhhh. I keep turning to grab the back of my chair and trying to stretch my shoulders, uppper back and chest

Michael's at yogaKids; Beth came and got him...he's very cranky this afternoon....I told him to go to yoga and let all those cranky feelings go, that they would pass like each breath. I think he's still pretty tired.

So much to learn, so far to go....

though I know that the whole point is the journey, not where I am (or am not) right now.

Third session of the Ashtanga Foundations series - we opened with Surya Namaskars, then did utkatasana, virabhadrasananas, then to the floor....dandasana, paschimottanasanas, purvottasasanas, ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. We went through those fairly quickly, then spent more time on trianga muhka. It wasn't too difficult because of bikram's fixed firm, though the paschimottanasana part is difficult.

We did Janu sirsasana...."a" position is hard to get comfortable in. "b" position, most people could not do. I could but it's uncomfortable. Then we did the Marichyasanas....so far my favorite poses. I can easily bind in A, B & C....and with John's help, bound in D.

The woman in front of me couldn't bind at all but SHE doesn't have to lower all the way to the floor in chaturungas like I do. ;-)

We did four navasanas, then bhujapidasana, which I liked...I like balancing challenges...I cannot cross my ankles but once I am better at balancing - and my arms and wrists are stronger, I will be able to. I'm not entirely sure what we did after that because he approached it like it was a given we would not be able to do the poses. We did kurmasana, but not supta kurmasana.

We skipped garbha pindasana, I think, and kukkatasana (it was getting close to five o'clock by this time and we had up to this point been doing vinyasas between postures)...did baddha konasana and upavishta konasana....the rolling back and forth part (which we also did in another earlier posture) is hard, and seems to require more core strength than I have right now...did supta konasana and padangustasana, then chakrasana....when I tried doing this at home I chickened out because I was afraid of hurting my neck, but I did it at the studio this afternoon (though I landed a bit off center)...it's more of a pushing off with the hands/lifting of the hips than a rolling backwards over the head thing which makes it easier. Ubbhaya padangustasana....another of those rolling back and forth ones that was hard....we skipped urdva muhka paschimottanasana and setu bandasana.

Then we tried headstand...the two in there that practice iyengar had no problem....once again, I was chicken...I got my arms in position but couldn't bring myself to kick up...John says they don't use the wall at his studio because then you have to learn all over again to do it without the wall....but I think that the wall would help me at least learn how to kick my legs up. It's the transferring of my weight to my arms and head that is the scary part. John came over and assisted me and I got to headstand twice....it wasn't as scary as I thought to be up there. Or down. Ha.

Then we did backbend...which I could not push up into because my arms were pretty fatigued. Also, I can't decide whether I want to use my yogitoes or not....I had it down for part of the series because my mat feels a little slippery (I think it needs washing, but I don't know how long it will take to dry so I am afraid to wash it since I don't have another mat to use while it dries) but it wasn't sweaty and grippy like it is in Bikram...so my hands did not feel very secure on it when we pushed into backbend. I guess I will have to do a full series practice and see if I need it. Maybe it's more sweaty once we go through the whole series.

I guess my main question is this....what does a beginner do in a led class when the postures get beyond their skill level? It seemed hard enough to maneuver ourselves into postures, much less having to do them on a single inhale in order to keep up with the flow of the class. Obviously, this comes with practice, but is having such a learning curve going to keep me from taking a led class? I really, really like the energy of a class....but I wonder if I should mostly practice at home until I am more confident. I wish I knew someone else who was fairly new to an ashtanga practice, so I could pick their brains....how long does it take to develop arm strength? How long does it take to learn to maintain the flow of the entire series the entire time? How is it being a total beginner in a class setting?

Speaking of being a beginner....I cannot imagine learning this practice without having some prior yoga experience. My bikram practice has served me very well so far...but if I were a total beginner, I think I'd probably be very discouraged.

I am really tired tonight too....we stayed at the party last night until 12:15, and I could have left earlier....it was still going strong when I left but I was super tired. I limited myself to one small glass of wine, but I ate a good many refined carbs. Michael was wide awake and in our bed at 8:15 this morning....he was still awake last night when we got home, so he didn't get enough sleep last night and our day with the boys was pretty painful. Will, bless his heart, had a really hard day and was basically a huge pain in the ass the entire day. Tonight while he screamed and pounded on Michael's door for the ten thousandth time, I said to Lee "do you think it's time for me to spank him?" and I was only half kidding.

I didn't spank him, of course, but I had to just give up on him understanding, at least for tonight, that his screaming/pounding/bugging the shit out of Michael is unacceptable.

Hey....I guess parenting is kind of like yoga....some days you are focused and have an awesome practice....some days you feel like crap and you feel like you have taken ten steps backwards. Today was definitely a ten steps backward day. I'm looking forward to the next "breakthrough" day.

Pee-yew, I stink.

I'm still in my wet yoga clothes from the hot 90 class this morning; I was really looking forward to it because I spent half the night in Will's uncomfortable bed and woke up with a kink in my neck and in my right hip.

There had been a 8am class just prior and the room was hot and humid. I sweated tons. After savasana, I pushed up into two awesome backbends quite easily, more easily than I've ever done before. I held each for five breaths.

Tonight we are going to (another) party at the Lyle's. We have got some of the partyingest friends around. I bought a cool Free People sweater at the thrift store yesterday which I am going to wear tonight.

Tomorrow is session three of Ashtanga Foundations which will cover the sitting portion of the Primary Series. Can't wait!! It will, however, limit my wine consumption tonight which is probably a good thing. The last party at the Lyle's resulted in a vile hangover.

Lee has taken Will out to run errands and find somewhere for him to play; I swear he is going through a kind of annoying stage right now. He chatters CONSTANTLY, asks incessant questions (and repeats them frequently) and is always bugging me to watch the damn television. It's a good thing that he is also cute and charming or he'd be totally intolerable.

Michael had rock climbing this morning and now he's holed up in his room listening to an audiobook and building legos. I told him we had to give his hermies a bath and clean out the crabitat, so I'm off to roust him and take care of that.

So the dude did show up to buy our mattresses.

And Lee came home with a percentage check, so the day ended on a slightly better note.

However, Will called out for me at 3:20 this morning, and it took me two hours to go back to sleep. I lay there listening to the sleet which had turned into rain by the time I fell asleep.

I was totally exhausted this morning, so much so that I did something I've never done before - I took Michael to school in my flannel pajamas. I threw on a jacket and stepped into my crocs and drove him over there. It was a vile, cold, rainy morning.

I had planned to go to the hot 90 this morning, but I was too tired. So I drank some coffee and puttered around here and about 9:00 or so decided to do some of the primary series. I did five Surya Namaskar A's and four B's, then the standing series through Uttita Hasta A. I skipped ahead and did the Marichyasanas. A & B are no problem. C, I bound on both sides this time but I felt like I was really hunched over. D, couldn't bind. Those kinds of poses are my favorite - I love ardha matsyandrasana in Bikram - it's not taught with a bind, but I always do it that way. I love to really crank myself around as far as I can.

I did a couple of navasanas and pushed up into a backbend which I held for five breaths. There's always that second of wondering if I'm going to be able to get myself up in the air when I push into a backbend.

Tomorrow, no practice - I have to go to the farmer's market, then the thrift store, then Ikea, then Blockbuster, then the library. I'm hoping to get a hot class in on Friday night.

Will is up above me, jumping into the air and shouting "expelliarmus!" and when he hits the ground, it's like an earthquake is shaking the house.