It's a New Day for This Mom.

I'm moving over to a new blog. I got tired of my old template, but wasn't sure I could change it w/out losing my archives. So here's where you can find me now: Mama Yogini

February? Or April?

It's beautiful, high 60's, gorgeous flawless sky, slight breeze. I'm wearing cropped jeans, a tiny short sleeve tee, and Chaco sandals. When it turns cold again, as it inevitably will, it's gonna be an unpleasant shock.

Hot 90 this morning. I debated going, because after the PTA board meeting last night, R, G & me went to Steinbecks, where B met us, and I had two Harpoon draft ales and a bunch of crab and artichoke dip. I felt pretty gross this morning, but not hungover, so I went ahead to class...I'm glad I did. I had a good sweat going & felt much detoxified afterward. I also pushed into a great backbend AND got myself vertical in a headstand, though only for a nanosecond...woot! It's much easier for me to get my legs halfway now. When I really engage my bandhas, my legs feel very light. I just need to work on my alignment and balance, because I feel like my spine is too curved...and also I can't lift my legs while straight; I have to bend them and lift them. I suppose once I've gotten comfortable with that, I'm going to have to start all over and learn it the real way.

Will field trip tomorrow and zoo trip w/friends tomorrow afternoon. Decatur 101 class on Thursday monring, then silent auction/spring party meeting Thursday night. Primary level 1 on Friday morning, then girl's night on Friday night, then Decatur 101 walking tour on Saturday morning, plus Michael's rock climbing class, then soccer parents meeting, then mom & dad visit on Sunday and Monday. There's a LOT going on. Other than Friday's class, I hope I can squeeze in a primary series at home at least once.

Yogic strife.

There's apparently some wierd stuff going down at DHY...lately when I've been there I've caught a vibe where people are grumbling or whispering together, and I picked up, somehow, that it was about the owner, who I've heard is a super tightly wound type A....I talked to my friend R on the playground today, and she's good friends with C, who teaches pilates and also used to work the desk, and apparently the owner has told all her desk help that she is no longer paying them salaries, but paying them in yoga. Two of them don't even do yoga. ONe of them was there working when I signed Michael in for yogaKids this afternoon, so I don't know what the deal is. Also I overheard the yogaKids teacher saying that the owner will not add another class no matter how much she begs, even though her class is filled to capacity, and she was looking to take her yogaKids classes elsewhere. That would be a bummer.

I got up this morning at 5:30 to do a thirty minute "short forms" practice while Lee went for a run. MAN, was I ever stiff and creaky. I didn't feel much more flexible by the time I got to the end, and I actually got fatigued pretty quickly too. I went and saw Dr. Kerry this morning and the popping that she got out of my neck was incredible. It feels quite a bit better.

PTA board meeting tonight. I was feeling pretty aggravated earlier while I was getting ready for the meeting, but I'm focusing on letting go. Namaste. Seeing the light in everyone, no matter how passive aggressive, overly emotionally invested, or irritating they are to me. R & G want me to go out for a drink with them afterward, so I'm chugging water in order to have a glass of wine and not wake up with a hangover.

Hot 90 at 8:30 in the morning, then no practice again until Thursday morning, another short practice at home.

If an ashtangi falls over in her living room and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

So Lee and Michael went to NC today for Lee's Uncle Jack's 90th birthday party and Will and I stayed here. Will is complaining of a sore throat, but even if he wasn't, five hours in a car is definitely not a good thing for him.

I put "Hoodwinked" on for him upstairs, got my David Swenson book, put on some yoga music, and started primary. My neck, lower back and upper back are very whacked out...I am definitely going to the chiropractor tomorrow...and I was determined to go as slow as I wanted. 5 A's, 3 B's, then through to Utkatasana, where I felt like I lost the flow I had going. I am never sure about the transition right there. In fact, I am probably not doing any of the transitions right, which makes me worry a little bit about having to practice at home so much - I am worried about getting into bad habits. I should probably practice with my DVD a few times. Anyhow...I managed to get back into more of a flow with the seated postures. And I also, for the first time, managed to jump my legs back from a crossed position in the vinyasas. Woot! I also bound my index fingers on both sides in Mari D, though I felt pretty hunched over.

After navasana, I had to refer more to my book because those are the trickier, more unfamiliar postures. I crossed my ankles for the first time in bhujapidasana! Last week in class I managed to touch my toes together off the ground briefly before it was time to move on, but today I just stayed in the posture and scooched my toes toward each other on the floor until I could cross my feet, then I just crossed them more tightly together, then balanced for a few breaths until I fell over on my butt.

I kept going, though I had to refer to my book between postures, to setu bandasana, where I blanked and couldn't remember the modification John showed us last week. Then I did a modified backbend, a full backbend, then all the way through to sirsasana, where I attempted headstand twice before moving on to baddha padmasana, where I bound briefly (though I can't fold forward while bound), then I did the last two postures, then savasana, by which time my yoga mix cd had finished and my new Snatam Kaur cd had started, which made for a nice relaxing end.

My chatarangas have come a long, long way. When I first started, by the time I got to vinyasas, I would jump (or more likely step) back, then just lower all the way to the floor. Today I got through the whole practice (though I skipped vinyasas between sides) and was able to jump back, lower and hover just above the floor, then move myself forward toward updog slightly before having to lower my belly all the way to the floor.

The rain has stopped, and it's beautiful, sunny and warm outside. I'm going feed Will lunch, then we are putting on our mud shoes and go outside for a while.

Vamos a un restaurante Mexicano!

I went with the second graders today to Los Bravos for lunch, where they ordered and conversed with the wait staff entirely in Spanish....then got up and sang "vamos a un restaurante Mexicano" to all the patrons and staff. It was one of the funniest and cutest things I've ever seen. Several of us moms sat together with Michael's teacher, who is just a lovely, lovely person and a lot of fun. The whole field trip was fun.

Friday night...I'm sitting here with a glass of red wine listening to Michael, Will and Jake from next door have a battle out back with two wooden muskets, plastic light sabers, various balls, and a couple of foam rockets. They have chicken nuggets in the oven; Lee and I are going to have buffalo burgers on the grill, plus roasted beets and watercress with feta cheese and a balsamic dressing, and roasted asparagus.

No practice today due to field trip; I did a hot 90 yesterday morning. I have been feeling a bit more stiff in my neck and upper back recently; don't know if that's because I have not been doing bikram as much, or because of my trying to learn sirsasana (which I worked on some more after the hot 90; I can get my legs to about half way and stay there for a little while, but no further without chickening out).

Tomorrow afternoon Michael and I are going to a parent and child yoga workshop; we went to one last month and it was loads of fun. Sunday Lee and Michael are going to Highlands, NC to Lee's Uncle Jack's 90th birthday. I hope to do at least the 45 minute short forms practice while I hypnotize Will with a movie or something. I am going to primary series level one next Friday...I guess I'll get in a couple hot 90's next week. I just hope I can keep my motivation going when I can only go to maybe one primary series class a week.

Ashtanga-inspired yoga-lite.

So I was all excited about the ashtanga class on the schedule at DHY and I went last night. The instructor asked me about my experience - all the other attendees had apparently taken this lady's "intro to ashtanga" workshop for five weeks earlier this year - and I told her I was learning ashtanga from John at only yoga. "Well, I'm very different from him", she told me. I'm okay with different, but this class was slloooowwww. First off, she had us prop on blocks and stretch. That took up about the first six or seven minutes of class. Then we did the opening chant. Then about twenty minutes of very slow surya namaskar a's (during which two more people came in) with lots of detailed instructions. Then two or three surya namaskar b's, which moved so slowly that I kind of spaced out and lost my place. She would say "do the next at your own pace" and even going more slowly than usual, I still finished ahead of everyone else. (My chatarangas have improved!).

We did padangustasana and padahastasana, then triangle, warrior I, and the pose whose name escapes me, John teaches it for newer yogis with the forearm on the thigh, and then the other arm stretches overhead. We did it the traditional way with blocks; well, everyone else used blocks. Then I think we did another surya namaskar or two, then bridge, then savasana. We couldn't run late because there was a Pilated class waiting to come in.

So, nontraditional and I think too beginnerish for me. Which is too bad - I was very excited to be able to do ashtanga at my "home" studio.

This morning I am planning to help out in Michael's classroom (I have to go get in the shower in a minute or I'll be late!) so I did David Swenson's 30 minute short form series. I got out my book, put on some music, and went through it in about 35 minutes. I did everything, plus a couple of attempts at sirsasana. I actually felt like I had a good, kind of flowy practice! My knees and hips protested quite loudly when I came out of Mari C - and I actually could not bind on the left this morning, due to pain in my hip joint - but other than that, I felt good and I stayed with my breath more often than not.

And Will slept through the night last night. Three cheers!!

"In the spring, a young woman's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of shoes."

I hope ol' Alfred, Lord Tennyson, doesn't mind my paraphrasing here.

I have been on a mini shoe-buying frenzy. I have bought four pairs of shoes from Zappos this weekend - a pair of Converse low-tops, some Kenneth Cole Reaction beaded pewter thong sandals, and two pairs of Keds print skimmers - one in a frog print and one in a parrot print that's a Mary Jane. I probably won't keep both pairs of Keds, though. Gotta love the zappos free shipping and returns!

Practice yesterday was great! Four of us from the Foundations workshop were there plus just two other women - so everyone got lots of adjustments. As I thought, it was not the entire primary. We did everything to uttita hasta - in prasarita padott... C, John came over and pushed my clasped hands down toward the floor until I thought I was going to have to shout "uncle"! For uttita hasta, we only did a modified D, with hands under the thighs, but for ten looonnngg breaths.

Then we did everything else to trianga mukha (which we skipped), with vinyasas between postures, not sides, then the janus, then Mari a, b and c. Then five navasanas, which lasted a couple of days, then bhujapidasana, in which I can begin to cross my feet before falling on my butt.

Then we skipped way ahead to bridge pose, then two backbends if we wanted (or two more bridges). I did the first bridge, then a backbend, and then wanted to do a second backbend, but I had moved my yogitoes off to the side and my hands were slipping, so I came back down and did another bridge. I still can't work out the mat/yogitoes thing. I hate to stop and move the thing off and on my mat. Until I work up a good sweat, the yogitoes isn't grippy enough....but just a little bit of sweat and my hands begin to slip on my mat.

Anyway....paschimottanasana...John came and leaned on me and my face was waaaay flat on my shins. Then shoulderstand, plow, karnapidasana. Then urdva padmasana, which I had never done before. I've either skipped it when doing my DVD, or modified, or something. Anyway, very wierd feeling to be balancing on my shoulders, but I did it. Then pindasana in sarvangasana, in which I could only touch my fingers together with John's help before rolling down. Then matsyasana, uttana padasana, then sirsasana. I told John when I got there that I had been practicing at home, but that I was still scared of falling so could not keep my legs up. So as soon as we got to sirsasana, John was by my mat waiting for me. I got my legs up briefly and he held them there but I had to come down quickly. I tried again several times... I can get my legs up halfway (bent, not piked) and can hold them there longer each time I try...so I know it is coming....slowly. I practiced a few more times when I got home, and I told Michael that I couldn't hold my legs up because I was scared of falling. He said "mommy, why don't you think about NOT falling?" DUH!! What a great idea from an eight year old. I probably amd going to fall if I think I am.

After that....child's pose, then savasana. I felt GREAT. Though I have something going on with my left hip....any tight twisting pose, and I feel pain in the very inner part, like deep inside the hip crease. This has been going on since I started Bikram...in final spinal, I really feel it. In primary, I feel it in the Maris when I have to twist to the left. The top of my left thigh is also sore to the touch...I'm not sure what that's from....my lotus foot? Then why is my right thigh not sore also? My left thigh seems to be perpetually sore, though not visibly bruised. I'm not sure what's going on.

My chatarangas are slowly improving....my (noisy) jumpbacks and jump ups are too, though jump throughs are ages and ages away...and I absolutely love how, in the later vinyasas, my down dogs feel extremely deep and stretchy.

For dinner last night we had a big crock pot of chicken and black bean chili, which rocked....I ate three bowls. So much for leftovers.

Today is another holiday from school....the boys are awake and listening to some Talking Heads song at full volume and playing the drums....it's the song that goes "Baby baby, please let me hold you, I wanna make you stay up all night! "

Hottest class ever.

Went to a hot 90 this morning at ten. There was a hot 90 at 8:00, so the room was a bit hotter and steamier than usual. And it got only hotter and steamier as it went on....there were also about 25 people in the room, which holds 35.

By the time we got to ardha chandrasanana - the first pose after pranayama - I was pouring sweat (I finally got my new Prana tank, which rocks - those tops are totally made for us flat-chested ladies). By standing bow pulling, all I could think about was how I really needed to leave the room so I could take a deep breath! I could not concentrate at all...I could only think of how I was dying for fresh air and oxygen! Rebecca noticed that many of us were struggling and sitting down - some woman next to me was wearing sweatpants, for god's sake - the fleece kind with elastic at the bottom - and an oversize man's t-shirt. How she was not falling out, I don't know. Anyway, Rebecca opened the door a few times to let in fresh air, and at the savasana between standing and floor poses, she turned on the fan. When we got to kapalabhati breathing, she said the temperature in the room had dropped to 101, but that the humidity was at 95%. Rebecca said it was the hottest and most humid class she'd ever taught at the studio.

I pushed up into a pretty decent backbend as soon as class was over, and held it for five breaths. My yogitoes was actually too wet for my hands to feel secure. I also tried my handstand again, and managed to get my legs - still kind of in the fetal position - lifted higher. My knees are still bent, but I managed to get my knees to a ninety degree position with my hips. I could have raised my legs, but I chickened out. Again.

When I left the class I was absolutely soaked and I had a headache. I didn't drink as much water as usual during the class because the heat made me feel slightly nauseous, and drinking cold water would make me feel worse.

Tomorrow I am going to John's intermediate primary, which is not the full series. My first official, ie, non-workshop, ashtanga class.

Umm, why am I here?

What did I want to post? I can't remember. My brain is fried due to lack of sleep. That would be because of Will. Of course. Crying out for me at ten til five to come rub his back. Dude, how many times have I told you, if you wake me from a dead sleep I will come lay down with you but I will NOT rub your back.

The night before he came and got in our bed, which woke me up, then after I had gotten back to sleep finally, he woke up again complaining of a tummyache, so I had to stay up and wipe his butt after he pooped (a rather large amount, so he had to have felt better after). Then I got back in bed with him and had a hard time falling asleep. So I'm going on two days' sleep deficit here. I really need at least seven uninterrupted hours of sleep and I'm not getting it most nights.

Anyway....started my period yesterday....felt gross and crampy yesterday. No practice. Or did I? Damn if I can remember. No, I didn't practice - I was at Michael's school yesterday morning at dropoff to check for more carnation orders, then I came home and made a flourless chocolate torte, then I went to Will's school for his Valentine's party (a heart-shaped pinata and valentine's exchange), then back to Michael's school to distribute the carnation orders, then to coffee w/Gloria, then back to Michael's school to help with his class party, then to Will's school to pick him up, then BACK AGAIN to Michael's school to pick him up.

Last night I made chicken scallopine w/pesto sauce, whole wheat egg noodles, roasted asparagus, and the aforementioned flourless chocolate torte w/homemade whipped cream. We had a bottle of McManis chardonnay with it. I must say, that's one of my favorite chardonnays. Really good and very cheap too.

So this morning I felt like hell, not hungover, but very tired and foggy headed. I took Will to school, then came home and seriously thought about laying down and taking a nap. Instead, I got out my mat, put in my yoga cds (music I downloaded), got out my David Swenson book, and started with Surya Namaskars. I was going to stop there if I still felt like crap. I went pretty slowly, but I kept going once I was done with them. Slowly I am making progress w/my arm strength! I can now lower myself to just above the floor and hover there. I cannot go into updog from there yet, though. I have to drop my legs down briefly to start the upward motion, then I lift them back up.

Anyway....this was the first time doing it without the DVD. I could hear David Swenson in my head giving me instructions. In Mari D today, I was able to touch my fingers together, all by myself! I had to twist and grab hold of my thigh, then twist some more using my thigh to brace against, but then I could link my index fingers together before I had to let go and stop myself from falling over. I'm sure that I screwed up most of the transitions between postures once I got past utkatasana and virabhadrasana. I did most of the vinyasas even between sides...did all the navasanas...then did plow (which gave me a fabulous stretch of my sore and achy upper back), pushed up into a kind of feeble backbend, attempted headstand a few times, then took a savasana.

I'm so glad I practiced. I took it really slowly and held some of the postures for more than five breaths because it just felt good to hang out there. But I guess that is the benefit of practicing all by yourself at home.

I was looking at the DHY schedule today and Debbie has an ashtanga class on the schedule! It's only once a week, Tuesdays at 6:00. I probably won't be able to make it every week. But I'm very excited about it! IT's taught by Leslie who taught the Intro to Ashtanga series they had, also Tuesday night, which I couldn't commit to because of the time it was held.

No school tomorrow or Monday. I'm not sure what we're going to do tomorrow...it's been so cold here. Maybe the zoo if it warms up a bit. Will's YogaKids got cancelled today because of teacher training, but there is a makeup tomorrow afternoon.

Almost too tired to type.

Last session of the ashtanga foundations workshop was this afternoon. I thought we might do full primary but we didn't....spent the first twenty or so minutes discussing any questions, etc....there was one woman there who was a regular practitioner but came to take today's class and she talked a little about how you think you can't do something, then one day you can, and then another day you learn something else, and so on, and then all of the sudden you're doing the whole thing.

I hadn't practiced since I did the full primary with David Swenson on Friday morning, when I hurt my upper back. Which felt much, much better this morning. Though Saturday I woke up and every muscle in my neck was incredibly sore....from what, I'm not sure....chakrasana, I bet. Anyway, once we started Surya Namaskars, I felt like I had increased strength, and, I don't know, more 'flow'. I felt like even though I don't have enough strenght for a perfect chataranga, that I was more fluid. And my arms definitely felt stronger. Before I left for the workshop this afternoon, I practiced my chakrasana upstairs on the carpet. I think that's definitely part of my fear - the hard wood floor. That is taking some getting used to. Bikram classes are carpeted and my bony hips, shoudlers, and everything else are having a hard time with the hard floor under my mat. ANYWAY. I did chakrasana fine, but afterward the back of my neck did hurt and feel stiff. I also practiced headstand....I can get my feet off the ground, I kind of pull them in like a fetal position and I can stay there for a little while. Plain and simple, I am afraid that when I get my legs up in the air - and I nearly did it several times - I am going to fall. As soon as I got them up, I came right back down.

ANYWAY, back at the class. Less people were there than in previous weeks so we each got a lot of adjustments. We did all the standing postures except for one of the paschimottananasa....C, I think....then to floor....we did most of them except Mari B & D....we did only three navasanas which nearly killed me anyway...skipped some of the end of the series & closing....we did a modified backbend (hands on ankles) but held it FOR.EV.ER and boy, were my thighs and glutes screaming!! We did headstands in class....I got my feet off the floor and pulled them in....inched them up, then down, then up again. John came over and I raised my legs....he had only very light pressure against one of my ankles but the whole time I was thinking "he's gonna let go...he's gonna let go" and when he counted the last breath I pretty much slammed my right leg down and he went "SLOWLY!" So I brought the other one down more slowly. ;-)

We had a nice long savasana...I think the thing that makes these savasanas so nice as opposed to Bikram is that we stay there until he calls us. At Bikram they say "stay at least a few minutes, but longer if you can" and after about a minute I start getting antsy to go. Plus, John was playing some groovy, mellow world music that was really nice to listen to.

Boy, is my neck ever sore. I am probably going to feel crippled in the morning. I think I am going to go to the chiropractor tomorrow.

I also have to herd Will through making valentines for his class & teachers. He's only done about six...I got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, oh yeah, that I'm going to be making valentines on Tuesday night after Will is in bed.

You had a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.

I did primary at home this morning and in chakrasana I again wussied out, rolled off to my left and immediately felt a wrenching pain between my left shoulder blade and spine. I got up, paused David, walked around trying to stretch it out. After a few minutes I went back to it, did chakrasana again (this time rolling to the right, HA) and it didn't feel worse....so I continued on, did my backbends fine and finished. OH, and I actually got both feet off the ground for sirsasana! I only managed to pull both knees in, but both feet were off the ground and I actually balanced for a few seconds! But I did it several times! Yippee!

Anyway...post chakrasana....it continues to hurt and when I take a very deep breath or try to turn my head very far to the left, I feel it. Of course, Dr. K is out of town or I would have gone today for an adjustment. Hopefully, when I wake up in the morning it feels better...until then I am relying heavily on my good friend Extra Strength Tylenol. My last Ashtanga Foundations class is Sunday...I really don't want to feel crippled!

In other bad news, Lee found out today that the job that he really, really, really wanted and felt pretty confident he was going to be offered, was offered to someone else. He is quite bummed.

And the Prana top that I won on eBay...the seller sent me the wrong one.

Man, my chatarungas suck.

Because I did a hot class last night, and because I needed to take a shower first thing, I just did surya namaskars today - 10 A's and 6 B's.

I cannot lower myself to just above the floor. I don't have the arm strength yet to do that, so I have to lower something all the way to the floor. What I have been doing is lowering just my chest while keeping my legs off the floor, but then in order to do updog correctly, I have to kind of shimmy forward which isn't right either.

By the time I got to my last surya namaskar B, I was pretty much collapsing onto the floor with noodle arms. I am stronger than I was when I first started, but I have a long long long way to go.

I did manage to push up into a backbend and hold for six breaths.

I was susie homemaker today.....I made a pot of vegetable broth with some broccoli and celery that had been languishing in the fridge for a while, and I threw in half a package of dried shiitake mushrooms that had been in the pantry for god knows how long, plus some fresh parsley and carrots. I also made a batch of bread crumbs from the bread ends I had been saving and storing in a baggie in the freezer, and I also made a batch of caramelized onions in the crockpot (which I had to move to the back deck with an extension cord because I didn't want everything in the house to be saturated with the smell of caramelized onion, as delicious as they smelled).

I also did our taxes....I keep thinking there must be something wrong, that I entered or did something wrong, because we are getting a bigger refund than ever before. We do pay a boatload in property taxes and mortgage interest, but Lee must have also over-withheld. I've been through it again, and everything looks right. I'm scared to file lest a mistake turn up.

For dinner we went to Mellow Mushroom and I had a greek salad, a glass of wine, a (horrors) slice of feta cheese and sun dried tomato pizza and then (double horrrors) several bites of moose track ice cream. I was fishing around in the carton for the ribbons of caramel, which are by far the best parts.

Primary at home in the morning.

Left knee

It has been acting up again the last day or two, feeling achy and stiff and making lots of popping noises and I am pretty convinced that the glucosamine makes a real difference. This is like the third time now when I've slacked off the glucosamine for a few days and my knee starts to hurt. When I start taking it again it quits hurting. It's possible that I could take it every other day and still feel the benefits. I read something in the paper last week about glucosamine raising the cholesterol level (anecdotal, but still) and since I am a lower-carb eater and I do eat meat, and I have not had my cholesterol checked in years, I am wondering if I should take the minimum glucosamine. What I really need to do is go get my cholesterol checked, I know.

Went to a hot 90 tonight - Kim, who is brand new, like tonight was her second class brand new, was going, and asked me and Beth to come along, so we did. I think I was the most advanced practitioner in the class, and I was in front and center, which was unintentional, but the two corner spots in the front were taken. I like to be close to the mirror, but I like to be way off to the side.

I bound it matsyendrasana and James called me out for it. Ooops. Binding is not part of the pose in the Bikram series, but I do it anyway because I really like to crank my spine and shoulders around. I can really only do it on the right, anyway; I can bind on my left too but not enough to really pull on my arm and get more of a twist.

I didn't do any yoga yesterday, didn't focus on my breathing, didn't balance on the four points of my feet and lengthen my spine at any time during my day. Nothing. It felt really good to be back on my mat tonight and my body was ready to stretch and work. I held toe stand on the right for the longest time ever, at least thirty seconds; James was helping someone so he didn't call change as quickly as usual.

I want to at least get in a few sets of sun salutations before Sunday. I am nervous about making it through the full primary series.

It just needed to be said.

I'm having a really good hair day today. It's a shame that I have to sleep on it. Maybe I'll do like my grandma and put on a hairnet and sleep sitting up. ;-)

NOT. I'm not THAT vain.

Did someone beat me when I wasn't paying attention?

That's what it feels like, anyway.

I wanted to get up and walk this morning - I miss my walks - so I set my alarm clock for 10 til 6. Will called out to me at about 3:40, so I got in bed with him, but I never really fell fully asleep because I knew my alarm was going to go off and I wanted to get back in our bed before it did. So I dozed for a few hours, then got up and got back in my bed at 5:45. I had a whole five minutes before the alarm was going to go off.

I went on my walk, got the boys fed/dressed/out the door, then came home. I was going to do some sun salutations and leave it at that, since I felt tired from yesterday and from my poor night's sleep, but once I got started on the series with the DVD, I just kept going. Also, the thought of attending a full series class is in the back of my mind and I am afraid I am going to humiliate myself the first time I go, so I wanted to do the whole thing and see how bad it would really be.

I was pretty tired by the time I got through the marichyasanas...I started skipping the vinyasas between sides and even between postures my vinyasas were pretty lame. I didn't even try to lower myself the right way, I just flopped to the floor, pushed up into down dog then walked my feet forward.

At garbha pindasana I actually rocked all the way around (I'm sure it wasn't pretty), but I noticed that my tailbone was super sore - probably from yesterday's practice. The konasanas (I think) where you balance on your tailbone....I just have to let go of my feet to balance, then grab my feet again. And my tailbone was hurting like a mother.

Yesterday when I did chakrasana I came out of it tilted to the left and the same thing happened today; my shoulders are really bony and when I did chakrasana today, I again went to the left, smacking that bone which was sore from yesterday. I know that is happening because I am scared. I'm chickening out at the moment when I should be pushing up. What am I afraid of?

Backbends...I mustered all the strength left in my noodle arms and did two...had to do a modified one for the third. Headstand....I have no confidence in the placement of my arms and head, so I could not even get both feet off the floor at the same time.

So anyway, I did the whole thing...maybe if I go to one of the all-level classes I won't stick out like a sore thumb. Speaking of an all-level class, there is a serious dearth of ashtanga classes in this city. Why is that?? We hosted the Olympics for god's sake, you'd think there's be more than two ashtanga studios in the city, one of which has NO led classes during the day and the other of which only has two daytime led classes during the week.

So all day I have felt progressively stiff, sore and achy in my bony spots. I also have two very sore spots which are beginning to bruise at the very tops of my inner thighs....I guess from pulling my heels in lotus and the marichys so hard yesterday. And all I want to do is stretch out each arm, brace my hand against a post in the entry way and push against them so that my biceps and inner shoulders strrrreeettttccccchhhhh. I keep turning to grab the back of my chair and trying to stretch my shoulders, uppper back and chest

Michael's at yogaKids; Beth came and got him...he's very cranky this afternoon....I told him to go to yoga and let all those cranky feelings go, that they would pass like each breath. I think he's still pretty tired.

So much to learn, so far to go....

though I know that the whole point is the journey, not where I am (or am not) right now.

Third session of the Ashtanga Foundations series - we opened with Surya Namaskars, then did utkatasana, virabhadrasananas, then to the floor....dandasana, paschimottanasanas, purvottasasanas, ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. We went through those fairly quickly, then spent more time on trianga muhka. It wasn't too difficult because of bikram's fixed firm, though the paschimottanasana part is difficult.

We did Janu sirsasana...."a" position is hard to get comfortable in. "b" position, most people could not do. I could but it's uncomfortable. Then we did the Marichyasanas....so far my favorite poses. I can easily bind in A, B & C....and with John's help, bound in D.

The woman in front of me couldn't bind at all but SHE doesn't have to lower all the way to the floor in chaturungas like I do. ;-)

We did four navasanas, then bhujapidasana, which I liked...I like balancing challenges...I cannot cross my ankles but once I am better at balancing - and my arms and wrists are stronger, I will be able to. I'm not entirely sure what we did after that because he approached it like it was a given we would not be able to do the poses. We did kurmasana, but not supta kurmasana.

We skipped garbha pindasana, I think, and kukkatasana (it was getting close to five o'clock by this time and we had up to this point been doing vinyasas between postures)...did baddha konasana and upavishta konasana....the rolling back and forth part (which we also did in another earlier posture) is hard, and seems to require more core strength than I have right now...did supta konasana and padangustasana, then chakrasana....when I tried doing this at home I chickened out because I was afraid of hurting my neck, but I did it at the studio this afternoon (though I landed a bit off center)...it's more of a pushing off with the hands/lifting of the hips than a rolling backwards over the head thing which makes it easier. Ubbhaya padangustasana....another of those rolling back and forth ones that was hard....we skipped urdva muhka paschimottanasana and setu bandasana.

Then we tried headstand...the two in there that practice iyengar had no problem....once again, I was chicken...I got my arms in position but couldn't bring myself to kick up...John says they don't use the wall at his studio because then you have to learn all over again to do it without the wall....but I think that the wall would help me at least learn how to kick my legs up. It's the transferring of my weight to my arms and head that is the scary part. John came over and assisted me and I got to headstand twice....it wasn't as scary as I thought to be up there. Or down. Ha.

Then we did backbend...which I could not push up into because my arms were pretty fatigued. Also, I can't decide whether I want to use my yogitoes or not....I had it down for part of the series because my mat feels a little slippery (I think it needs washing, but I don't know how long it will take to dry so I am afraid to wash it since I don't have another mat to use while it dries) but it wasn't sweaty and grippy like it is in Bikram...so my hands did not feel very secure on it when we pushed into backbend. I guess I will have to do a full series practice and see if I need it. Maybe it's more sweaty once we go through the whole series.

I guess my main question is this....what does a beginner do in a led class when the postures get beyond their skill level? It seemed hard enough to maneuver ourselves into postures, much less having to do them on a single inhale in order to keep up with the flow of the class. Obviously, this comes with practice, but is having such a learning curve going to keep me from taking a led class? I really, really like the energy of a class....but I wonder if I should mostly practice at home until I am more confident. I wish I knew someone else who was fairly new to an ashtanga practice, so I could pick their brains....how long does it take to develop arm strength? How long does it take to learn to maintain the flow of the entire series the entire time? How is it being a total beginner in a class setting?

Speaking of being a beginner....I cannot imagine learning this practice without having some prior yoga experience. My bikram practice has served me very well so far...but if I were a total beginner, I think I'd probably be very discouraged.

I am really tired tonight too....we stayed at the party last night until 12:15, and I could have left earlier....it was still going strong when I left but I was super tired. I limited myself to one small glass of wine, but I ate a good many refined carbs. Michael was wide awake and in our bed at 8:15 this morning....he was still awake last night when we got home, so he didn't get enough sleep last night and our day with the boys was pretty painful. Will, bless his heart, had a really hard day and was basically a huge pain in the ass the entire day. Tonight while he screamed and pounded on Michael's door for the ten thousandth time, I said to Lee "do you think it's time for me to spank him?" and I was only half kidding.

I didn't spank him, of course, but I had to just give up on him understanding, at least for tonight, that his screaming/pounding/bugging the shit out of Michael is unacceptable.

Hey....I guess parenting is kind of like yoga....some days you are focused and have an awesome practice....some days you feel like crap and you feel like you have taken ten steps backwards. Today was definitely a ten steps backward day. I'm looking forward to the next "breakthrough" day.

Pee-yew, I stink.

I'm still in my wet yoga clothes from the hot 90 class this morning; I was really looking forward to it because I spent half the night in Will's uncomfortable bed and woke up with a kink in my neck and in my right hip.

There had been a 8am class just prior and the room was hot and humid. I sweated tons. After savasana, I pushed up into two awesome backbends quite easily, more easily than I've ever done before. I held each for five breaths.

Tonight we are going to (another) party at the Lyle's. We have got some of the partyingest friends around. I bought a cool Free People sweater at the thrift store yesterday which I am going to wear tonight.

Tomorrow is session three of Ashtanga Foundations which will cover the sitting portion of the Primary Series. Can't wait!! It will, however, limit my wine consumption tonight which is probably a good thing. The last party at the Lyle's resulted in a vile hangover.

Lee has taken Will out to run errands and find somewhere for him to play; I swear he is going through a kind of annoying stage right now. He chatters CONSTANTLY, asks incessant questions (and repeats them frequently) and is always bugging me to watch the damn television. It's a good thing that he is also cute and charming or he'd be totally intolerable.

Michael had rock climbing this morning and now he's holed up in his room listening to an audiobook and building legos. I told him we had to give his hermies a bath and clean out the crabitat, so I'm off to roust him and take care of that.

So the dude did show up to buy our mattresses.

And Lee came home with a percentage check, so the day ended on a slightly better note.

However, Will called out for me at 3:20 this morning, and it took me two hours to go back to sleep. I lay there listening to the sleet which had turned into rain by the time I fell asleep.

I was totally exhausted this morning, so much so that I did something I've never done before - I took Michael to school in my flannel pajamas. I threw on a jacket and stepped into my crocs and drove him over there. It was a vile, cold, rainy morning.

I had planned to go to the hot 90 this morning, but I was too tired. So I drank some coffee and puttered around here and about 9:00 or so decided to do some of the primary series. I did five Surya Namaskar A's and four B's, then the standing series through Uttita Hasta A. I skipped ahead and did the Marichyasanas. A & B are no problem. C, I bound on both sides this time but I felt like I was really hunched over. D, couldn't bind. Those kinds of poses are my favorite - I love ardha matsyandrasana in Bikram - it's not taught with a bind, but I always do it that way. I love to really crank myself around as far as I can.

I did a couple of navasanas and pushed up into a backbend which I held for five breaths. There's always that second of wondering if I'm going to be able to get myself up in the air when I push into a backbend.

Tomorrow, no practice - I have to go to the farmer's market, then the thrift store, then Ikea, then Blockbuster, then the library. I'm hoping to get a hot class in on Friday night.

Will is up above me, jumping into the air and shouting "expelliarmus!" and when he hits the ground, it's like an earthquake is shaking the house.

The terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day-and-couple-of-hours

Yesterday afternoon Will kept on bugging me about wanting to watch the Wiggles and I told him if he asked me one more time, the answer would be no. He asked me again, so I said no Wiggles today. He had a tantrum. I told him no Wiggles tomorrow, either. He kicked the kitchen trashcan, hard. I said no Wiggles on Thursday. (This is as much of a punishment for me as it is him, because the Wiggles keep him out of my hair while I'm fixing dinner and cleaning out backpacks). It deteriorated to a shouting match (well, I was shouting, he was screaming). Micahel was in his room doing his homework, but Will kept crashing into his door and making it burst open. I told him if he did it again he was going to lose his drums. He, of course, did it again, so I put his drums on the closet shelf, which prompted another fit.

I had to be at the city school's Central Offices to set up for the 0-5 News awards dinner at 5:30. I had washed this sweater I wanted to wear but it wasn't dry, so I had to find something else to wear. All of my nicer clothes (ie, stuff I rarely wear) is too big and because I rarely wear it, I didn't know it didn't fit. My most decent pair of jeans that I can wear with my boots was dirty so I had to wear another pair that didn't look so good. My hair looked like shit, but I was trying to do something with it at 5:30 when I was supposed to BE THERE. I finally gave up, jumped in the car and zoomed over there, until I got behind someone trying to turn left onto Scott Boulevard, with traffic at a standstill. Finally that idiot went, and I got onto Scott, and it took me ten minutes to travel the two or three blocks to the Central Office.

Setup for the dinner went fine, the dinner itself was fine and pretty fun, the kids were great and the winning media entries were very entertaining. We didn't get home until close to 8:30 and both boys were tired and hence uncooperative. We skipped baths and just got them into bed. At 9:15 I was realizing that laundry was backed up, lunches were not made, Michael's homework folder & contents were scattered throughout his room. I put off the lunches til today, packed up the folder myself, and loaded the washer. I fell asleep reading about 10:30. I had a horrible dream about being at a high-rise hotel and Will falling over the railing - I was at the adjacent building and saw him fall over and down. In my dream I tried to scream but no sound came out.

Lee did not get me up until 7:00 which is way too late to avoid a rushed morning. I got up and first thing asked Michael if he would eat hot lunch today so I wouldn't have to pack his lunch and he said no.

I went down to pack lunches and there was no bread so I had to go out to the garage and get another loaf from the other fridge. I got the lunches packed, ate an egg and a piece of sausage and drank one cup of coffee. I threw on my yoga clothes and put my contacts in, then got Will dressed. Why is it when we have to go somewhere, he goes in his room, shuts the door, and begins entertaining himself like a dream? Why can't he do that after school??

I pulled out of the driveway, but Will was still not buckled, so I sat there and waited and he still didn't buckle so I had to get out and do it for him.

We got in the doors of school at 8:00 on the dot. The kitchen was a mess when I got home, so I cleaned it up, started the laundry, loaded the dishwasher and set it to start after the wash finished, made two beds, fed the hermit crabs, drank another cup of coffee, checked my email, and packaged up something I sold on eBay.

Yesterday I got a used Wiggles dvd that I bought on Amazon. It is not the one I ordered, but instead of sending it back, I'll keep it IF it plays, which I'm not sure about, because it looks a little scratched. Since Will has lost Wiggles and TV privileges through Friday, I put it in to make sure it plays so I can complain to the seller. So I had the Wiggles as my soundtrack this morning.

I got an email from a guy who wants to come buy the mattresses we advertised on Craigslist; he wanted to come at lunch so I sent Lee an email asking him to come home at lunch so that I wouldn't be there alone with some stranger. I was going to yoga at 9:30 so I wanted to be able to tell the guy yes or no before I left. Half an hour went by, no reply. I emailed agian, then finally called. They've got a new phone system, so I can no longer call him directly and no one answered the main number.

Finally, right before I was about to leave, he replied and said he'd come home for lunch.

I got to yoga at 9:27; the instructor didn't show so Cheryl, the YogaKids instructor who usually takes the hot classes taught the class with minimal instruction. All things considered, it was a pretty decent class. The high point of my day was pushing up into a great backbend after the closing savasana. I got up good and high, scooted my feet so they weren't so far splayed out, and stayed there for six breaths.

Because we got started late, I didn't leave the studio until 11:20 and the mattress guy said he wanted to come between 12-1 so I rushed home. I wanted to practice my surya namaskars, which I did - my arms seemed stronger today and my chatarangas were easier. I was also able to jump back and up, though I just have to DO IT and not think about it, otherwise it doesn't happen.

I rushed through my shower, and Lee got home for lunch and grumbled that there was nothing to eat. I said "did you get your paycheck?" and he said "Oh. I forgot to ask for it." Then he said he had a meeting at 1:30 he was going to right from lunch, which meant there was no hope of getting it in the bank before 2:00. Which means that the $10 that is in there right now is what we have until Friday morning.

So he sat there and ate his lunch and did the crossword puzzle while I unloaded the dishwasher and put everything away and started dinner (veggie sloppy joes in the crockpot).

Lee was getting ready to leave at 1:15 and the mattress guy hadn't come so I called him. He said "oh, I had a meeting at 11:30 so I couldn't come."

I went to Big Lots to buy myself a damn alarm clock so I don't have to depend on Lee to get me up on time in the morning, but they didn't have any. I wanted to stop and get a cup of coffee on the way to get Will but I didn't have time.

We were going to stay on the Oakhurst playground until 3:30, but Will whacked another kid with a stick so I made him apologize and then said we had to leave. He, of course, threw a fit as if he wasn't the cause of it all.

He also rolled around in the grass and was absolutely covered in dried grass clippings, which if they are not still stuck to him are in my car and in his room.

Lee called and said he had gotten his paycheck, so we went by his office to get it, Will sobbing all the while and asking if he could watch the Wiggles when we got home. I reminded him that he could not unti Friday, which started another fit.

I got the paycheck deposited without incident, but when I got home I realized that I forgot about the package I was supposed to have mailed today.

When I came in and checked my email, my desktop weather informed me that there is a fucking winter storm warning for tomorrow. Which likely means school will be closed.

I checked on my veggie sloppy joes and I'm not sure they will be done on time. I doubled the recipe and it's cooking really slowly even though I've had it on high.

Will asked me for about ten different things he knew I wasn't going to fix him for snack, and whined after I said no to each one.

I have been shouting at them both and I hate myself for it.

Goddess, I hope the guy shows up tonight to buy the damn mattresses, I hope that school is NOT closed, and I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Frazzled.

I just prepared an agenda for tonight's meeting, and as I put items on the agenda it prompted me to send emails to find out the status of certain projects, and for a while there I had about seven windows open as I looked at the online calendar, responded to emails, created the agenda, etc. We have a lot to cover tonight so everyone better be on time.

All of us had a rough night last night so we are all tired and cranky - Will cried out several times acting like he didn't feel good so Lee and I were up half the night - Michael woke up this morning complaining of being very tired & having a stomachache, so I didn't take him to school until 8:40, after he said he felt better. He's at yogakids right now, and Lee is going to pick him up for me.

Since we got a late start this morning, I didn't go to the hot 90 but did part of the primary series at home to my DVD. I hadn't had any breakfast and it was 9:00, and I was tired, so I didn't feel as energized as I did yesterday, but I did okay. I fell out of Uttita Hasta B on the left side. Also, when David Swenson started doing vinyasas between sides I skipped that and did them only between poses. I got as far as Marichy C, where I could only bind on one side. Couldn't bind in D. Navasana pretty much finished me off so I stopped there. My arms are still pretty fatigued from the sun sals and vinyasas. How long is it going to take for me to get enough arm strength to make it through successfully?

I looked all over for bean bag chairs today - JCPenney (god how long has it been since I've set foot in that store? Years!), Sears, Toys R Us. No bean bag chairs to be found. I did find a couple things for Michael in the Lands' End department at Sears, on the clearance rack. I bought him some corduroy cargo pants - this morning I noticed that his newest and nicest pair of jeans has a hole in one knee.

When I got home I went ahead and ordered the very nice but expensive bean bag chair from Lands End. Considering what other places are asking for crappy bean bag chairs, paying less would be false economy.

Ashtanga Foundations, session 2

It's freaking cold! It was pleasantly warm at onlyoga, though, because John had a couple of space heaters going. Half the women that came last week did not come back, but there were six other folks there, obviously having done some ashtanga but not tons. One of them had a super loud ujjayi breath going.

We started with chanting and sun salutations (and as I thought I remembered, John does not have us chataranga in between up and down dog like David Swenson), then moved to the standing series - padangustasana and padahastasana, both of which I felt very capable of thanks to bikram. Then to trikonasana and paravritta trikonasana. Paravritta trikonasana I can get twisted into, but balancing is difficult. Really engaging my legs and pretending I am trying to stretch my mat with my feet helps. John came and pulled gently on my extended arm at one point. Uthitta parsvakonasana I also felt prepared for because of bikram's trikonasana, except we did it with our forearm on our quads. Revolved side angle we did with our hands in prayer - I love spinal twists so I cranked way around to each side. Ahhhh. Then prasarita padottanasanas - again, poses that felt familiar because of bikram though I wonder how long it will take for me to get my clasped hands to the floor in C.

Parsvottanasana is very similar to bikram's dandayamana bibhaktipada janushirasana except that instead of having the arms extended and hands in prayer, hands are in prayer behind the back. The bikram version is one I have worked very hard on, especially in getting my hips level and balancing with my hands in prayer, so during the five breaths I was able to squash my nose on my shin. Engaging the bandhas really allowed me to feel like my chest was actually sliding down my leg as I lengthened.

Utthita hasta - he sort of went into it assuming we would not be able to do it, so we just played around with it. Once again, this is not unlike bikram's dandayamana janushirasana, except in bikram we clasp the foot with both hands. He had us assume the first part of the pose as we could do it, then hold for ten breaths. My standing leg was screaming! Then we switched. We did not do b, c or d.

Ardha baddha padma uttanasana - once again, we just played around with opening up the hips and getting the foot up high. That is exactly bikram's tree pose, so hiking my foot up to hip is easy. However, I can't bind with my right arm - can get my arm to my foot, but not enough to grab it. I can bind more easily with my left. John pulls his leg clear up to his stomach.

He talked briefly about headstands - something that scares me. He had us place our arms in position as if we were going to headstand, look forward at our hands, extend our legs as in down dog, then we held for ten breaths. We jumped through to sitting, then went to the floor to work on a few closing sequence postures - John says that next week we will cover sitting and , and then hopefully do a full practice on the last day. We did modified setu bandasana, then salamba sarvangasana, halasana and karna pidasana.

Then savasana, which was one of the most relaxed savasanas I've ever had. Then closing chant and time to go.

Today Lee and I removed the lower full bed from Michael's twin-over-full bunk beds. The lower bed took up so much room and we were so tired of working around it....plus, what little floor space was left was always covered in legos, and we were constantly fishing legos out from under the bed.

The lower bed was not attached to the frame of the upper, so it was easy to pull it out and dis-assemble it. The frame is stored in the rafters of the garage and the mattress and boxspring are leaning against the dining room wall, waiting to sell on craigslist.

It's positively luxurious to have so much space now. Michael has plenty of room to spread out and I don't have to squeeze around the edge of the bed anymore. We went to Target today to get a bean bag chair to put under the loft, but they don't have them. Humph. I may have to break down and order the very nice but very expensive Lands' End beanbag chair if I can't find a decent one that doesn't have a sports team or Dora the Explorer theme.

The next two days are going to be busy - tomorrow morning is hot yoga, then kids yoga after school, then a PTA board meeting. Tuesday is the 05 News winners trip to CNN center to tour the studio, which I am chaperoning, then I have to be at the central offices to set up for the 05 News awards dinner at 5:30.

I like avocado, but it doesn't like me.

Isn't that from some 70's era commercial?

I ate an avocado with my lunch and not long afterward it sat like a ton of bricks in my stomach. Fortunately, that doesn't happen with guacamole but I just can't eat avocado straight out of the skin anymore.

Went to vinyasa this morning - definitely not vinyasa FLOW. This was a random assortment of postures and stretches with lots of emphasis on alignment. We did a couple of postures where I was pleasantly suprised to see how strong my core has gotten from Bikram yoga.

Yesterday morning I did the hot 90 and successfully pushed up into a backbend afterward, though my feet are still turned out.

Wednesday morning I was going to a Tupperware party, of all things, at Beth's, so I did the first 45 minutes of my David Swenson DVD with special emphasis on the sun sals. I think, but I am not sure, that John taught them differently than David does them on the DVD. David does them where in between down dog and up dog he comes back down into chatarunga....I think John taught us to go directly into up dog from down, without the chatarunga. I am going to stand in the back of the class on Sunday and see what everyone else does.

We have a quiet weekend planned.....tonight I'm making bbq'd salmon - hopefully it's not too cold for Lee to cook them on the grill - smashed cauliflower with pepper jack cheese, and sauteed spinach.

So I went into REI today to try to find some yoga capris....

and I came out with no yoga capris but instead a cute Prana tie-dyed skirt from the clearance rack.

I really wanted some capris, but I am having a heck of a time finding any that are not too cottony (too stretch), too thick and bulky (like they were made for outdoor wear) or long pants.

I have several pairs of comfy, flattering yoga shorts which is all I wear for hot classes, but that doesn't seem to be the the thing to wear at the Ashtanga studio.

REI usually carries prana yoga wear, but they had very little today; only a few tops and some fleecy-feeling pants.

I guess I am going to have to break down and buy some online.

I walked Michael in this morning so I could check the PTA box and drop off a batch of muffins to his teacher for snack. She said "Michael was the light of my life yesterday!" She said most of the kids were badly behaved yesterday, with the exception of Michael and one or two others. She said he really made her day easier. I felt very proud of him, but not suprised - that's the kind of good kid he is at school.

I did the hot 90 this morning - good class - except I have a headache. I need to drink a bunch of water.

Will's pre-K evaluation was yesterday - all is fine except that his teacher wants one of the speech therapists to come have a conversation with him, to see if he needs any speech therapy. She also says his fine and gross motor skills need some work, but he's not really "delayed". We think the gross motor thing is really the fact that he is so big, his head is so big, and he's still growing into them.

Off to get the munchkins from school.

"I never regretted having practiced....

but when I did not practice, I regretted not having done so." So says David Swenson (I think I am paraphrasing).

This morning I woke up groggy and tired, again due to Will climbing in bed at 4:15 and waking me up. I had to move to his bed shortly thereafter, because he was crowding me, but it took me a while to fall back asleep and waking up was like swimming up from the bottom of the ocean.

I seriously debated blowing off the hot 90 this morning, something I never do because I love going. I was so tired, though, that I thought I might feel better if I didn't go. My arms still felt pretty fatigued from yesterday, and I felt stiff all over. I went anyway...and as I have experienced before, I had a great practice. I still felt foggy throughout which actually helped because I didn't have monkey-mind. I felt pretty bendy and had good stamina and balance. I sweated a ton and just got in a groove with ujjayi breathing and focusing on Jenny's dialogue.

During the final savasana, I pushed up into a backbend. My arms didn't want to support me, so I didn't stay long, but when I was up I was able to see myself in the mirror and my feet were turned out to 45 degrees. I guess I am just going to have to build up more strength.

I did a couple of half-hearted sun salutations when I got home, but I zoned out during Surya B and forgot what I was doing...ha! I couldn't remember which foot I had lunged with first then I just blanked. I had to go look at the book to remember what to do.

I wanted to make myself a bunless burger for lunch, but I was too tired to even do that so I ate some leftover pasta. I did have a salad with it, though. Then just a few minutes ago I ate a bunch of organic m & m's. I now feel the most alert I have all day - though I think it's just the "omigod, I can't believe I just ate that" shock factor.

Hopefully I will feel less foggy tomorrow. No practice - I have a 7:45 meeting at school for the news show celebration, then a haircut at 10:45, I need to go to Michael's and to Lenscrafters, then Will's progress conference is at 2:00.

Holy cow, my arms.

Today was the first session of the Ashtanga foundations workshop. We talked about the eight limbs, locks, drishti, and breath, then we started on Surya Namaskars. There were eight of us there - one in teacher training, and one who was not currently practicing yoga, but the rest of us were doing yoga of one kind or another, and several currently practice with John, the teacher.

Doing Surya Namaskar slowly, as we went through it one step at a time, was a killer. Also holding down dog for waaaaay more than five breaths as he worked with someone. We must have done about twenty each of A & B, plus the ones where we went through one step at a time. I'm sure for an advanced practitioner, that's no biggie, but I am seriously lacking in upper body strength. The woman who was not currently practicing yoga was really struggling and had to stop. I didn't feel winded too much, just not strong enough in the arms.

I couldn't believe how quickly two hours went....before I knew it it was five o'clock and it was time for savasana.

Our homework is to practice Surya Namaskars at least twice. Tomorrow I am going to a hot 90, then Tuesday morning I will do a short practice at home. I'd go to the Vinyasa class that morning, but I am getting my hair cut at 10:45.

We just watched "Crash".

WOW. It was intense, and I was tense throughout the whole movie. I think I need to wait a few weeks and watch it again.

Michael started his rock climbing class today, and I think he really liked it. It goes alternating Saturdays through the end of March. I like that he's learning something cool and individual like that instead of running with the herd on the soccer field (which is probably what Will is going to be doing come spring).

We went to the First Lego Championship at Ga. Tech today...that was a little bit of a letdown because it was extremely crowded, hot and noisy and we couldn't see much. We mostly hung out at the "pit tables" where the robot teams "warmed up" before going into the competition room. We saw some bots and looked at the project displays that each team did, but it was hard to see much, it was so crowded. Will was restless and we left after about a hour. We went up to Atlantic Station, where we had never been before, to eat at California Pizza Kitchen where we knew it would be kid friendly. This area is near the Ikea but I had never seen it before. Really, it's a totally manufactured "village" surrounded by pricey condos and filled with the usual retail establishments like Victoria's Secret, Ann Taylor, etcetera. Cirque du Soleil is also there right now and traffic was heavy.

We went to Atlantic Station via Peachtree St. so I could find onlyoga....that whole area of Midtown had totally changed and is quite upscale now. I feel a little intimidated, which is stupid. I just keep wondering if I'm the only forty-something frumpy mom to cross the threshhold of that studio. I keep chanting to myself "who gives a shit" but I know I will have a hard time overcoming the feeling that I don't belong there.

Is there ever a day....

when I DON'T have to go to the grocery store? I think not.

I did an abbreviated practice this morning - I'm still a little sore from two days ago, and I laid awake from 4:50 (when Will crawled in bed with us) to after 6:00 (which is when Lee's turned his alarm off and went back to sleep) finally dozing off and falling into a thirty-minute coma.

Michael and I got caught by the train, so I screeched to a halt in front of school and told him to hurry in and maybe he wouldn't have to get a tardy slip. Then still in rush mode I hurried home, made the beds, checked on the hermit crabs, loaded the washing machine and the dishwasher, checked my email, then unrolled my mat and started the DVD. I felt like an old lady during the Surya Namaskars (and I had to stop and chase the cat out of the house in the middle of Surya B). I knew I didn't have time for the whole series, so I stopped at the half bound lotus paschimottanasana, then went to the finishing series. I did three backbends...the first one, I could barely get up....the second one, got up more easily but could not lower myself and I actually just fell out of it onto my back....not to be defeated, I did a third, focusing on really using my quads and I got up and down with more ease. I know my feet are splayed out, though. Coming into backbends is, mentally, a lot like the third part of awkward in Bikram, when we are kneeling, balancing on the balls of our feet, and we have to slowly come up....that challenge is as much mental as physical for me, because I know I can't come out of it without either giving myself a bounce, or without leaning forward to get myself up. I know that hard part is coming, and the dread is the worst part.

Anyway, I did shoulderstand and plow as well....Swenson kept talking about keeping the neck lifted and I'm like, what the hell, how does one keep the neck lifted in this pose? I craned my neck to see the TV and sure enough, he is on his shoulders with his head raised off the floor. Maybe in a million years I will be able to achieve that. I must be doing something wrong, because after shoulderstand the other day those bones at the top of my back, just below my neck were bruised feeling. I must be either too far up or not far enough. I did the next couple poses through matsyasana then turned off the DVD.

I still feel excited about the workshop starting this weekend, but kind of nervous too, like I am going to have to face my fears about backbending and inversions and I really don't wanna.

Little bit sore today.

But pleasantly so. My hamstrings are a little sore, and my upper arms, shoulders, chest and upper back a little more so. Taking my jacket off is a little difficult, but it's not one of those crippling sorenesses. It feels good. I got an adjustment today....I hadn't had one since late August. I was beginning to feel a little bit wonky in my lower back and my neck.

I registered for the yoga workshop....now just praying that it doesn't get cancelled or anything, since the sign up info said "minimum 8". I am so excited.

I'm going to try to do a little bit of the series tomorrow....I might look at the "short form" series and do that....or just do the sun sals, then the series up until the vinyasa are added. I need to go to the Farmer's Market tomorrow, and to the Book Nook, and I have GOT to get cracking on my eBay stuff ......both stuff to list and the way, way behind spreadsheet entries. I had good intentions of knocking it all out, but here it is January 16 and I have not even started up the spreadsheet program.

Primary series, first day

I was very excited this morning....had a tortilla w/cheese & turkey sausage, coffee this morning...took Will to school...went to Oakhurst to drop some stuff off and to watch Michael on the 05 News...he's come a long way since last year and is much more poised and comfortable...then I came home and did a few things around the house...laundry, tidying. I also carried through on my threat to pack up a bunch of Michael's legos for the consignment sale if he did not sort and put them away. I nearly filled a gallon ziplock and a quart ziplock bag, though I kept waffling...putting some back, then taking some back, thinking "this is a lot of legos I'm taking" and then thinking "if I don't show him I mean it, he'll never change". I still have a lot bagged up, but not as many as I started out with.

Then I unrolled my mat and started the DVD. I went through the intro section on Surya Namaskar A&B and the vinyasas, then started the series. Surya Namaskars were fine, though they feel choppy, especially when transitioning between up and down dog. I can jump my feet up without much problem. I'm sure they will start flowing as I learn them AND as I develop more upper body strength. The series...standing sequence was fine....utthita hasta padangustasana a&b was the first pose I found really difficult....I can straighten my leg but not without pulling my arm forward which brings my shoulders out of line. D was impossible to do with my leg straight.

Continuing on, adding vinyasas...I used the option where, from a cross legged position I put my hands in front of me on the floor and walked my legs back, then into down dog and so on, jumping my legs back up for the next posture. Went through fine until Marichyasana D...could not bind. Then struggled with Navasana (kept my legs bent), bhujapidasana (could not lift anything but my bottom), kurmasana (cannot get close to the floor - got about halfway), supta kurmasana (ditto), then garbha pindasana (can get into lotus and raise legs, but only clasp hands around legs). Kukkatasana....couldn't do. Baddha K a&b...fine. Upavishta A.....got halfway. B...couldn't balance on sit bones. Supta Konasana...fine. Supta Pada A, B, C.....could stretch partway. Ubhaya Pada....had to bend my legs and struggled to balance. Urdva Mukha....same. Setu bandasana...kept my hands under my hips for support.

Then finishing sequence...did two of the three backbends... paschimottanasana with hands clasping feet....shoulderstand & plow, no problem...karapidasana, halfway; urdva padmasana, fine....pindasana, halfway. Matsyasana, fine....then I pretty much stopped when I couldn't do uttana padasana. Headstands were next, which I didn't do....I tried the arm position but I know my arms were rolling out way too much and I didn't know exactly how much weight was supposed to be in my hands. I practiced raising my hips and shifting my weight into my arms and head while keeping my feet on the floor and I did feel like with support, I could go into a headstand. I did baddha padmasana, reaching only one foot though...tolasana, couldn't do. Then I skipped the final savasana because it was 11:30 already and I had to pee and I was starving.

After all those vinyasas my arms were seriously noodly. I really feel it in my wrists and in that muscle on the chest side of my underarms. I am going to be sore tomorrow!

RE: locks....I have a long way to go with those. Breath....since it is very much like Bikram (with more of an emphasis on breathing through the throat than solely through the nose) that was not a struggle. I tended to lose the breath during vinyasas, though.

But guess what....I found a four week (every Sunday from 3-5) intro to Primary workshop at onlyoga and I'm going to register for it! This is the schedule:

Session 1 The 8 Limbs and Sun Salutations - 1/21
Session 2 The Standing Sequence - 1/28
Session 3 The Seated Sequence - 2/4
Session 4 Putting It All Together & Closing - 2/11

I can hardly wait!!! This way, I will be able to continue my home practice with more confidence that I know what I am doing. And traveling a half hour to yoga is much more doable on the weekends. I assured Lee that the workshop would be my yoga for the weekend...I won't go do a hot class on Saturday morning like I usually do (unless for some reason he and the boys go out of town).

Got to go put Lee's check in the bank...then run by the grocery store....then go get Will...all the while counting the minutes until that yoga workshop.

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I get to do the David Swenson primary series DVD. I watched the intro and the discussion of Surya Namaskar A&B, plus vinyasas, today while I ate my lunch. Tomorrow I am going to start at the beginning of the series and see how far I can go. And see if I can manage to focus on my breath for any length of time.

Did the hot 90 this morning....struggled a little bit but my dhanurasana, standing bow pulling, was the best it's ever been. I wonder if I have low blood pressure....I have before....and if that has anything to do with the frequent, dizzying head rushes I get during class.

Parent-child yoga workshop.

Michael and I went to this today - it was taught by Cheryl, who teaches the Yoga Kids classes and also Vinyasa classes. It ROCKED. Lots of fun with an appropriate amount of spirituality and reverence balanced with silliness. We did some good stretching and worked through some poses, both alone and with our partner/child. We used the iyengar ropes on the walls and all the kids were fearless, holding the ropes and walking their feet up the walls until they were upside down. I couldn't do it, though. I did backbend off the wall holding the ropes, but the inversion on the ropes was too much. Michael and I did handstands off the walls. Wow, would that ever develop some upper body strength! I am going to try to do some of that every day - though there isn't much wall space here without a picture on it. I also felt kind of proud of myself for doing that, since inversions is (are?) the things that keep me from trying the iyengar classes.

"Fig Preserve Snack Cake"

I got a wild hair and baked a pan of the above this afternoon - YUM. Good snack cake and the fig preserves make it very moist and almost caramelized.

Bikram yesterday and today - both good classes. I had kind of a breakthrough in floor bow, dhanurasana, today - I achieved the teardrop shape. If I focus on really kicking with my legs and letting go with my shoulders, I can get up there instead of struggling. Although yesterday in floor bow James pulled on my legs to rock me back onto my pubic bone and it HURT.

Got my David Swenson book and DVD today. I've flipped through the book and it looks kind of intimidating. I'm trying to look at it not as a goal that will take ages to achieve, but as a journey with tons to learn along the way. Starting with Sun Salutations A & B.......

What's for breakfast?

By bedtime each night, I'm looking forward to the next day and my coffee and breakfast. Except that tomorrow I'm going to an 8:30 yoga class so I will not eat breakfast before I go. I got up and walked this morning - man, was it cold.

Went to Sevananda today and went a little crazy with the bulk bins. I bought a bunch of different nuts, peanut butter pretzels for the boys (though Will refused to touch them), whole wheat pastry flour, chicken bouillion powder. I also bought some plain roasted pumpkin seeds and what I swear were labeled "tamari pumpkin seeds" but in the car on the way to Dick's Sporting Goods I put a handful of them in my mouth - HOT!! I sucked down my water and then didn't have any left. HOT!! Sprinkled on my salad tonight, they weren't so painfully hot.

I didn't have any luck at Dick's - I was looking for some yoga shorts with not too high a rise or too long an inseam. Dick's is seriously low on yoga wear. I tried on several things but none worked. I went over to Phipps Plaza intending to buy myself a pair of Dansko closed back clogs in brown, but they didn't have my size. I went down to Nike Town and found the yoga shorts of my dreams. I only bought one pair, because I thought they were a little pricey and I hope to find some online for less. But they are exactly what I wanted.

I'm still waiting on my yoga dvd and book, but I got out one of my other yoga books today and taught myself how to do a sun salutation. I also think I am going to sign myself and Michael up for the parent/child yoga workshop on Saturday afternoon.

I am sloooowwwwllly learning that when I am feeling frazzled, impatient, stressed, overwhelmed etc. if I bring my awareness to RIGHT THEN, I feel much better. Even if my awareness is there only for a second. It's like a magic button that pauses all the things that are stressing me out.

Wine hangover.

Not very yogic of me, is it? That's what happens when I don't eat much and I drink a little too much wine (last night it was at the Lyle's Twelfth Night party). It happens often enough...you'd think I'd have learned by now.

So today I have felt pretty rough, and very tired....this morning I was laying in bed with the covers up to my eyes, listening to Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire, which Michael had on in his room....when I heard the part about Harry, Ron & Hermione going to Herbology and squeezing out bubotuber pus, I really thought I was going to vomit.

Tonight we are having veggie tortilla casserole...looking forward to burying my face in a big plateful of warm, cheesy, beany glop.

What I ate today (I'm feeling gross and overly carbed):
two pieces turkey sausage
two cups coffee w/half & half
one Diet Coke in the small can
one piece whole wheat toast with Earth Balance and natural peanut butter
handful of pretzel/cheddar sandwich crackers
low carb tortilla w/chicken and laughing cow light cheese
small handful organic m&m's
two helpings tortilla casserole with a salad of romaine & blue cheese dressing
one bite of canteloupe
water.

Darn those pretzel and cheddar crackers.

I'm excited about expanding my yoga practice...

I debated over whether to order the David Swenson "Short Forms" DVD or the Primary Series DVD....after looking over the whole primary series on a website I found, I decided to go ahead and get the primary series DVD. I also ordered the book that goes with it. I am looking forward to starting an ashtanga practice at home!

In related news, I did some stretching today and bent farther back in the second part of half-moon, more than I ever have before. Also, I pushed up into a backbend today....the last time I tried to do that, a couple months ago, I did not have the upper body strength. I swear, I love backbending. I am addicted to the rush I get when I come out of the pose.

I have some split pea soup simmering in the crockpot.....I used the ham stock I made last week. It smells wonderful, very earthy and garlicky.

Hot dog.

Or hot veggie burger, I should say. I am eating a Boca "all American" veggie burger and it is the bomb. And it only has four grams of useable carb. I'm having my second one, no bun, with a blob of bleu cheese dressing with it.

I have had way too many refined carbs today. First, Suzanne brought me some belated Christmas goodies, one of which was some cashew brittle.....omg. I am not usually a huge fan of brittle, but this was excellent, not overly sweet or hard on the teeth. I made a pig of myself with it.

Then when I took the boys to the playground this afternoon, I brought along some of the wheat germ PB cookies I made yesterday. There is no white flour in them, but still. I ate three this afternoon because I was really hungry.

Then at Beth's I ate a small, but very rich and sweet, piece of fudge.

I did make it to a hot 90 tonight, a class filled with New Year's resolutioners. (Is that a word?) Me and one other guy were by far the most advanced practitioners. I just wanted to shout at them all "Don't be overwhelmed by the heat or the poses! Just stick with it and it'll be so worth it, I promise!"

I am going to buy myself a David Swenson "Short Forms" ashtanga video for a home practice, since I won't be able to do the intro to ashtanga series at DHY and it doesn't look like there'll be any chance of me getting to either of the ashtanga studios any time within the next few years.

I'm putting the rest of the cashew brittle out of its misery. Yum.

Happy New Year!

Today is a much better day. For one thing, it was already sunny when we woke up and pleasantly warm throughout the day, though it has steadily gotten colder in the last few hours.

Also, I made it to a hot class this morning. The boys woke up cheerful and I fed them breakfast, had some coffee and a string cheese, and went to my class at ten. It was PACKED - don't know if I've ever been to such a crowded class before. Debbie started off with kind of a New Years, set your practice, be kind to yourself and be mindful pep talk, then did about 45 minutes of non Bikram poses, most of which I had done in a Vinyasa class previously. We did a bunch of down dogs, some stretches, boat pose, and a few others. Then James took over and did an abbreviated Bikram series, one of each pose. Boy, was I sweating by the time he started. The funny thing I am noticing is, when I am having a day where I struggle, I struggle most in between poses and not so much during. For example, I felt dizzy and nauseous between standing head to knee and standing bow pulling, but not at all during the poses. Wierd! People around me were dropping like flies and I wanted to sit down, but I knew if I could get through the stillness between poses, I would be fine.

In between standing and floor series Debbie read something about yoga, how many of the branches have adherents that claim their branch of yoga is the only way, but what she read traced all the branches back to Patanjali's Yoga Sutra, and she read a little about that work. It was about five minutes - fascinating.

I sweated so much that I looked like someone had turned the hose on me. I was so dehydrated after the class that before I even got home my mouth was totally dry. I also felt very wiped out. The class went about an hour and 55 minutes - no wonder. After I ate and drank a bunch of water and took a shower, I had tons of energy. I went to blockbuster and Publix, then came home, undecorated the tree and the house, pulled a bunch of boxes from the attic, and organized what was left. Some stuff I retrieved is already in the back of my car to go to Sally Ann's....boxes of other stuff are stacked in my room for me to go through and either box back up for consignment, use, or donate. I also vacuumed downstairs and put the furniture back where it belongs.

Those crocs that I bought myself less than a week ago - how did I ever live without them? They are so comfortable, it's like not wearing shoes. I leave them by the back door and step in and out of them all day. I love them! I might have to get myself another pair in a different color.

Tonight we are having the traditional black eyed peas, rice, chowchow, sauteed spinach and whole wheat rolls (no cornbread, because I always wind up throwing away the leftovers). Then Lee & Will are going to watch Goblet of Fire and Michael and I are going to snuggle on the sofa by the fire & watch The Sound of Music - Michael's never seen it and I can't wait to watch it with him.